How to support someone in palliative care: A guide for family and friends

When someone we love is receiving palliative care, it’s natural to feel uncertain about how to help or what to say. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, or wonder if you’re doing enough to provide comfort. The truth is, just being there — offering your presence, your kindness, and your support — can mean everything.

Palliative care isn’t just about managing a person’s health; it’s about ensuring they feel safe, valued, and at peace in their final chapter. While health professionals provide medical and emotional care, family and friends play an irreplaceable role. Familiar voices, gentle reassurance, and knowing they are not alone can bring immense comfort.

If your loved one is receiving palliative care services, they will have access to medical, emotional, and spiritual support tailored to their needs. We know this journey can feel overwhelming, but support is available — for both your loved one and for you. Whether you’re looking for ways to provide emotional support, offer practical help, or simply sit with them in quiet companionship, we’re here to guide you through this time with care and confidence.

How to provide emotional support in palliative care

Emotions can be overwhelming — not just for the patient but for those around them. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, struggle with knowing how much space to give, or feel unsure about how to offer meaningful support. There is no single "right way" to be there for someone, but presence, patience, and compassion always matter.

What to say and how to listen

Talking about end-of-life care can be difficult, and each person will process emotions differently. Some may want to reflect on their lives and share stories, while others may prefer light conversation about everyday things.

• If you’re unsure what to say, keep it simple: “I’m here for you” or “I care about you” can offer comfort without pressure.
• Let them lead the conversation — some may want to talk openly, while others may prefer quiet companionship.
• Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes, just sitting together can be more meaningful than words.
• Listening is just as important as speaking. Encourage them to share their thoughts if they wish, but never push.
• If they seem distant, give them space while reassuring them that they are not alone. This is worth remembering if you're caring for someone in cognitive and neurological decline, such as if they're in palliative care for Huntington's disease, motor neurone disease, or a stroke. 

Being present and offering companionship

When words don’t feel like enough, presence can be the greatest gift. Small, thoughtful gestures can bring comfort and reassurance:

• Sitting quietly beside them, holding their hand, or reading aloud from a favourite book.
• Playing soft music or adjusting the lighting to create a calming atmosphere.
• Using familiar scents and music to help ease anxiety. This is especially effective for those in palliative care for dementia. 
• Offering a warm blanket or adjusting their pillows to help them feel more comfortable.
• Simply smiling or making gentle eye contact can provide reassurance, even if they can’t respond verbally.

Supporting someone who has a loved one in palliative care

If you’re supporting a family member or friend whose relative is in palliative care, they are likely experiencing emotional exhaustion and grief, even before their loved one passes.

• Offer practical support: Bring them a meal, help with household tasks, or run errands.
• Be a listening ear: Let them share their feelings without rushing them through their grief.
• Remind them they’re not alone: Small acts of kindness, like making them a cup of tea, can go a long way.
• Help them ask for help: Whether it’s speaking to a counsellor or reaching out to other carers, external support may help lighten the emotional burden.

Taking care of yourself as a carer

Caring for someone can be emotionally and physically draining. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Seeking respite, even for a short period, can make a significant difference to your well-being.

• Reach out for support: Ask family, friends, or professional respite services, to step in take over the person you are caring for,  to give yourself time to rest and recharge.
• Seek professional counsel: Speaking with a counsellor may help you process the emotional weight of caregiving and provide valuable coping strategies.
• Recognise signs of burnout: Feelings of exhaustion, isolation, or overwhelming stress may indicate that it’s time to take a break and focus on your own needs.
• Stay connected: Keeping in touch with others can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and ensure you have a strong support network around you.

Taking care of yourself may feel like a selfish act but it most assuredly is not. Respite care allows you to continue providing the best possible care for your loved one while maintaining your own well-being.

How to talk about death

Discussing death can be challenging, and you may worry about saying the wrong thing. But open conversations can provide comfort and clarity.

Health professionals working in palliative care often find that:

• Some people seek reassurance that they will be loved and supported right until the end.
• Some want to talk openly about their situation and make plans for after they pass.
• Many are afraid and need empathy and understanding, even if they don’t express it openly.

A dying person may experience a range of emotions, from sadness to fear to acceptance. Some may want to say goodbye in their own way, while others may find comfort in simply being surrounded by loved ones. If someone at the end of life wants to talk, encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. If they don’t, that’s okay too. The most important thing is letting them know you are there for them in whatever way they need.

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You’re not alone in this journey

Caring for a terminal patient is one of the most compassionate things you can do. Whether it’s offering practical help, being present, or seeking guidance from health professionals, every action makes a difference.

The experience of palliative care may include feelings of isolation, uncertainty, and grief. Support from carers, counsellors, and bereavement services may help you navigate this journey with greater ease.

If you have questions or need support, we’re here to provide expert, compassionate care. End-of-life care can be challenging, but you and your loved one don’t have to navigate it alone.