How to support someone in palliative care: A guide for family and friends

When someone we love is receiving palliative care, it’s natural to feel uncertain about how to help or what to say. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, or wonder if you’re doing enough to provide comfort. The truth is, just being there — offering your presence, your kindness, and your support — can mean everything.

Palliative care isn’t just about managing a person’s health — it’s about caring for someone you love and ensuring they feel safe, valued, and at peace in their final chapter. While the health care team, including care professionals, nurses, and counsellors, provides medical and emotional support, family and friends play an irreplaceable role. People who are dying often find comfort in familiar voices, gentle reassurance, and knowing they are not alone.

We know this journey can feel overwhelming, but support is available — for both your loved one and for you. Whether you’re looking for ways to provide emotional support, offer practical support, or simply sit with them in quiet companionship, we’re here to help you navigate this time with care and confidence.

If your family member or friend is receiving palliative care in residential aged care, they will have access to medical, emotional, and spiritual support tailored to their needs. As part of this, we also offer palliative care for strokes, ensuring that those recovering from or living with the effects of a stroke receive compassionate, expert care.

How to provide emotional support in palliative care

When a loved one is in palliative care, emotions can feel overwhelming — not just for them, but for everyone around them. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, struggle with knowing how much space to give, or feel unsure about how to offer support in a meaningful way. The truth is, there’s no single "right way" to be there for someone at the end of their life. What matters most is your presence, patience, and compassion.

Emotional support can take many forms, such as conversation, companionship, or simple acts of kindness. Here’s how you can offer comfort and reassurance in a way that feels genuine and supportive.

What to say and how to listen

Talking about end-of-life care can be difficult, and people may have different ways of expressing or processing emotions. Some may want to reflect on their lives and share stories, while others may find comfort in discussing everyday things. They may feel moments of peace but also may experience sadness, fear, or even frustration.

If you don’t know what to say, that’s okay — sometimes, simply being there is enough. A gentle “I’m here for you” or “I care about you” can be a source of comfort without needing to find the perfect words. Let them lead the conversation, and don’t be afraid of silence — sometimes, quiet presence means more than words ever could.

Listening is just as important as speaking. Encourage them to share if they want to, but never push. If there are times when they seem distant, give them space while reminding them they’re not alone.

Being present and offering companionship

When words don’t feel like enough, being present can be the greatest gift. Sitting quietly beside them, holding their hand, or reading aloud from a favourite book can create a sense of peace and reassurance.

Small gestures can also help bring comfort. If they’re experiencing trouble sleeping or anxiety, playing soft music, adjusting lighting, or even offering a familiar scent — like lavender — may help reduce stress. Soft lighting in the room can also create a calming atmosphere, making them feel more at ease.

Even if your loved one is unable to speak, your presence still matters. A simple touch on the hand or a reassuring smile can help them feel safe and connected.

How to comfort someone with a relative in palliative care

If you’re supporting a family member or friend whose relative is in palliative care, they’re likely experiencing emotional challenges of their own. Grief and exhaustion can take a toll, even before their loved one passes.

Practical support can be invaluable — organise a meal for them, help with household tasks, or offer to run errands. Even something as simple as making them a cup of tea can remind them they’re cared for, too.

Sometimes, they may just need a listening ear. Let them speak without feeling like they need to say goodbye in a certain way or process their emotions on a particular timeline. Losing someone is one of the hardest experiences in life, and having a strong support system makes all the difference.

Comfort measures in palliative care

When a loved one is nearing the end of life, ensuring they feel comfortable and at peace is the priority. Palliative care comfort measures focus on easing pain, distress, and discomfort, helping both the patient and their family through this time with dignity and care.

While health professionals provide medical support, there are many ways family members or friends can contribute to their loved one’s well-being. Small adjustments — whether to their physical comfort, emotional support, or surroundings — can help create a sense of peace in their final days.

What are comfort measures in palliative care?

Comfort measures in palliative care go beyond medical treatment, focusing on relieving discomfort and supporting overall well-being. This includes pain management, adjusting the environment to make it as peaceful as possible, and offering emotional reassurance. The goal is to create a space where the patient feels safe, supported, and free from unnecessary distress.

These measures may include tailored medical interventions, physical care, and support from family and friends. While health professionals manage medications and symptoms, those closest to the person you are caring for can provide the small but meaningful acts of care that make a difference.

Physical comfort measures for palliative care

The dying process can bring physical symptoms such as pain, breathlessness, and restlessness, making comfort-focused care essential. Pain relief is one of the most important aspects of palliative care, with medications carefully managed to ensure the patient remains as comfortable as possible.

Breathing difficulties can often be eased by adjusting pillows or improving air circulation in the room. In some cases, using a fan may help relieve a sense of breathlessness. For those who are bed-bound, regular repositioning is crucial to prevent pressure ulcers and avoid unnecessary discomfort.

Hydration and nutrition also play a role in maintaining comfort. While some individuals may need IV fluids or a feeding tube, others may simply prefer small sips of water or moistening their lips to relieve dryness. Even gentle mouth care can provide relief when eating or drinking becomes difficult.

Environmental comfort strategies

The right environment can make a significant difference in how a dying person feels in their final days. A quiet, peaceful setting can bring a sense of calm, reducing anxiety and allowing them to rest more easily. Soft lighting can create a calming atmosphere, helping to minimise harsh glare and making the space feel more inviting.

Noise levels should be kept low, with conversations gentle and unhurried. A peaceful setting allows both the patient and their family to focus on what truly matters — being present with each other. Familiar items, such as photographs, meaningful objects, or their favourite music, may help bring reassurance and a sense of connection.

Even small gestures, like offering a warm blanket or holding their hand, can provide comfort in ways that go beyond words. The most important thing is making sure they feel loved and supported, surrounded by care in every possible way.

You’re not alone in this journey

Providing care in palliative care is one of the most compassionate things you can do for a loved one. Whether it’s offering practical support, being present, or seeking guidance from health professionals, every action matters.

If you need help or have questions about palliative care, our Melbourne palliative care residence and stroke palliative care services are here to provide expert, compassionate care. End of life may be challenging, but with the right care, you and your loved one don’t have to navigate it alone.